“Is this your first stress test, Ms. Weaver? Not to worry. It’ll go quickly, with no problems, I assure you.”

Uh-huh…that’s why you’ve got the epinephrine and defibrillation paddles right out here in the open, hmmm?

“We’ll start off slowly for a few minutes on the treadmill, then I’ll increase speed and inclination in increments. Here we go…”

Hmmm…okay, this isn’t so bad…I can do this. I’ll just pretend I’m climbing, and there’s something at the top I want to get to. San Juan Hill. Yeah, that’s it. Like Teddy Roosevelt. Bully.

“I’m monitoring your heart rate, and your blood pressure will increase as you go along. I’m also making allowances for your sendentary lifestyle.”

Sedentary? Who’s she calling sedentary?! Piece ‘o cake. I could do this in my sleep…there, that oughtta be a good four minutes. Where’s the timer? Oh, there it is, and…
30 seconds?? What the hell d’ya mean, 30 seconds??!)

“My, your heart rate is going up fast! Try to focus on something else, like your breathing—not your legs.”

WHAT legs?! I can’t feel ‘em anymore!! They’re gone! I’m getting treadmill skids on my crotch!!

“Okay, a little faster now, a little more hill…how’s that feel?”

Ohhh, I dunno—how will it feel when I chew you a new one as soon as I get off this bitch?

“Ms. Weaver, have you ever heard of frisbee golf? It’s the newest thing! My hubby took me this weekend, and it’s SO much fun!”

“Can you tell I’m trying to distract you? Tee-hee!! But you just say the word if it feels like too much for you.”

How can I say the fucking word if I can’t fucking BREATHE?!

“Alright, now a little more OOOMPH.”

Oh, wait, oh, shit…okay, Mistress, I promise to be good! I promise to lick you wherever you say…

“Just a little longer…try focusing on other things…”

Okay…right…right…something at the top of the hill, waiting for me…a hot guy with a six-pack of abs and a big, juicy dick. Yes, that’s it…I’m going for it…except since my coochie has been burned off and rubber-sealed, he’s pretty damned useless…

“One more minute? Can you give me one more?”

Death trap! It’s a death trap!! Lemme off! I WILL pay the co-pay amount! I SWEAR!!

“Thirty seconds or so…”

Okay…screw the hot guy. Time for the big guns. It’s GOD. GOD herself is waiting for me at the top of the hill, if I can just stop cursing and get there…a little further…a little further, shit and dammit to hell…

“That’s it, that’s it, Ms. Weaver. I just need to record your highest heart rate…for your age, weight, and lifestyle, you didn’t do too badly. Aren’t you proud of yourself?”

Bully.

Could someone please—PLEASE—tell me why it is that when I have time to write, I don’t feel like it…and when I DON’T have time, the Muse is anchored like a freaking monkey on my back, digging in the spurs and screaming in my ears like some PMS-ing banshee??

Tuesday I’d been busy all day, as usual. Around 3 a.m., I’m ready for bed, but figured I’d take a writing pad in with me. And suddenly…I’m in the ZONE. The fingers are flying, pages are appearing. And it’s GOOD stuff, stuff that probably won’t need much editing.

Before I know it, I look at the clock.
Five freaking a.m.
I realize I’ve got to go to bed. Little things like going to sucky day job, being alert enough to drive there, etc., are intervening. The words are flowing, with all the little innuendoes and subtle dialogue I probably won’t be able to pin down tomorrow. I’ve done this before. That’s how it works.

IT’S SO DAMNED IRRITATING, and I want to SCREAM!!
Sigh…anyway, end of rant… back to real life…

This news from Samhain Publishing:

FABULOUS SALE & CONTEST AT MBAM!

http://www.mybookstoreandmore.com/

Lots of prizes this week - all you do is make a purchase to be entered!
Winners will be chosen to win a variety of print books!

ALSO, from now until September 30, 2006, every purchase will count
toward a drawing for an ebook reader! The winner may choose between an
eBookwise, a Palm Tungsten E2, or an HP IPAQ rx1950!

PLUS, you can enter the drawing without making a purchase by sending a
postcard with your name, address, phone number, email address, and how
you heard about MBaM to this
address:

My Bookstore and More
2932 Ross Clark Circle #384
Dothan AL 36301

All postcards must be received by October 31st, winner will be
announced on November 1st, 2006

Come see our SALE PRICES on ebooks!
http://www.mybookstoreandmore.com/
All Trade PRINT books are ON SALE too! 10% off cover price plus FREE
Shipping!

Presented by Millennium Promotion Services, Inc.
http://www.millenniumpromotion.com

The gentleman who took this photograph has died.

His name was Joe Rosenthal, and he worked for the Associated Press.
But his name probably isn’t very important in the grand scheme of things, and won’t be remembered by the average person.

But this image will.
You may recognize it. This photo became the model for the Iwo Jima Memorial near Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia. It’s almost archetypal, has always stirred something inside of me. Here was pride, and determination, and heroism, and willing sacrifice to preserve something worth saving for their children, and their children’s children.

This is an image that will live in history, in one form or another.
Thank you, Joe.

Now from the sublime to the ridiculous…

“A federal judge ruled Tuesday that a Bush administration plan to allow commercial logging inside the Giant Sequoia National Monument violates environmental laws.”
http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/news/story.jsp?floc=NW_3-T&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20060822%2F1520163305.htm&sc=1110

The preserve is home to two-thirds of the world’s largest and most breathtakingly beautiful trees.
As if such a thing should ever be considered.

Gee, Mr. Bush…wonder what YOU’LL be remembered for?

(oh yeah—and I’m writing quite a bit…more about that in the next post!).

I am participating in a blogging experiment hosted at dearauthor.com. To enter the contest, put up this blurb, image, and trackback and you are entered to win the following prize package.

$200 Amazon gift certificate
Signed copy of Slave to Sensation
New Zealand goodies chosen by Singh
ARC of Christine Feehan’s October 31 release: Conspiracy Game.
You can read about the experiment here and you can download the code that you need to participate here.

SLAVE TO SENSATION
Nalini Singh
Berkley / September 2006

Welcome to a future where emotion is a crime and powers of the mind clash brutally against those of the heart.

Sascha Duncan is one of the Psy, a psychic race that has cut off its emotions in an effort to prevent murderous insanity. Those who feel are punished by having their brains wiped clean, their personalities and memories destroyed.

Lucas Hunter is a Changeling, a shapeshifter who craves sensation, lives for touch. When their separate worlds collide in the serial murders of Changeling women, Lucas and Sascha must remain bound to their identities…or sacrifice everything for a taste of darkest temptation.

Excerpt

Iris, the heroine of a story I once wrote, is of average intelligence, average appearance. Recovering from a bad relationship and a rough patch in her life, she fails to recognize that her best friend (Russ) wants to become her lover. And in the face of what she thinks may be an earth-shattering crisis, her imagination goes overboard, often approaching humorous hysteria.

A couple of years back, a fellow writer asked to read this ‘pending’ manuscript. (’Pending’ sounds so much nicer than ‘rejected’, dontcha think??)
The story was a romance, with elements of pseudo-horror/erotica/humor. I sent the document to her, and she said she enjoyed reading it very much. The plot kept her turning pages, the conflict undulated enough to keep her interest…

“And I really loved Russ,” she said. “He was strong, sensual, sexy, and romantic…
However—in all honesty, I thought Iris (the heroine) was perilously close to being T.S.T.L.”

If you’re an author or reviewer or reader who hangs out on message board, you’re probably aware that T.S.T.L. stands for “TOO STUPID TO LIVE”.
It’s a peculiar place that heroines sometimes go, uncomfortably close to the Blonde Zone. But since I appreciate honesty, I had to start wondering…

If a character’s over-the-top behavior aids the humor in the story, is she just silly, or is it a legitimate plot device (assuming that the story is tongue-in-cheek)? Would the hero have seemed quite so strong if not for the heroine’s antics? Is it too far beyond ’suspension of belief’ to think someone might not recognize a subtle change from friendship to romance, or to be unable or unwilling to deal with a romantic relationship? If the heroine becomes a stronger character by the end of the story, would you, as a reader, be willing to spare her stupid life?

I’m just using this story as an example because I’m curious…
Where is the line? What makes a heroine likeable or free-spirited or naive or zany, as opposed to nauseating or silly? Is it all in the eye of the reader, or are some stupid things just universally accepted as unacceptable?

What’s your definition of “too stupid to live”?

There’s good stuff happening in the blogosphere.

Sela’s very first e-book has been released. Check it out!

Steph has sold two more books to Blaze.

Jordan has a new agent and is heading in a new direction.

Mechele has a new cover.

Sasha and Saskia also have a new cover.

Anybody I’m missing? If you’ve got any good news, spread it around!
We’ll take all we can get!

AND THEN THERE WERE…FIVE!!

Karin Tabke’s First Line Contest has ended.
And I seem to be one of the finalists.

For everyone who played—great entries, ladies!
And big thanks to Karin for such a novel contest.