“Is this your first stress test, Ms. Weaver? Not to worry. It’ll go quickly, with no problems, I assure you.”

Uh-huh…that’s why you’ve got the epinephrine and defibrillation paddles right out here in the open, hmmm? :poof:

“We’ll start off slowly for a few minutes on the treadmill, then I’ll increase speed and inclination in increments. Here we go…”

Hmmm…okay, this isn’t so bad…I can do this. I’ll just pretend I’m climbing, and there’s something at the top I want to get to. San Juan Hill. Yeah, that’s it. Like Teddy Roosevelt. Bully. :thumbsup:

“I’m monitoring your heart rate, and your blood pressure will increase as you go along. I’m also making allowances for your sendentary lifestyle.”

Sedentary? Who’s she calling sedentary?! Piece ‘o cake. I could do this in my sleep…there, that oughtta be a good four minutes. Where’s the timer? Oh, there it is, and…
30 seconds?? What the hell d’ya mean, 30 seconds??!) :nonono:

“My, your heart rate is going up fast! Try to focus on something else, like your breathing—not your legs.”

WHAT legs?! I can’t feel ‘em anymore!! They’re gone! I’m getting treadmill skids on my crotch!!

“Okay, a little faster now, a little more hill…how’s that feel?”

Ohhh, I dunno—how will it feel when I chew you a new one as soon as I get off this bitch?

“Ms. Weaver, have you ever heard of frisbee golf? It’s the newest thing! My hubby took me this weekend, and it’s SO much fun!”

“Can you tell I’m trying to distract you? Tee-hee!! But you just say the word if it feels like too much for you.”

How can I say the fucking word if I can’t fucking BREATHE?! :hushyourmouth:

“Alright, now a little more OOOMPH.”

Oh, wait, oh, shit…okay, Mistress, I promise to be good! I promise to lick you wherever you say… :humping:

“Just a little longer…try focusing on other things…”

Okay…right…right…something at the top of the hill, waiting for me…a hot guy with a six-pack of abs and a big, juicy dick. Yes, that’s it…I’m going for it…except since my coochie has been burned off and rubber-sealed, he’s pretty damned useless…

“One more minute? Can you give me one more?”

Death trap! It’s a death trap!! Lemme off! I WILL pay the co-pay amount! I SWEAR!!

“Thirty seconds or so…”

Okay…screw the hot guy. Time for the big guns. It’s GOD. GOD herself is waiting for me at the top of the hill, if I can just stop cursing and get there…a little further…a little further, shit and dammit to hell… :shock:

“That’s it, that’s it, Ms. Weaver. I just need to record your highest heart rate…for your age, weight, and lifestyle, you didn’t do too badly. Aren’t you proud of yourself?”

Bully. :moon: