S/he is THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD.
You know them. You’ve met them. You see them every day.
They’re THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD.
A lonely title, perhaps, but there it is. Somebody’s gotta do it.

S/he is the person who blocks the whole aisle in the supermarket with their cart—because s/he is the only person in the world.
They’re the person who takes up three parking spaces right in front of the store with their huge, gas-guzzling car.
They’re the person who plays their hard-driving music at a deafening volume, and rolls the windows down for all to hear.
S/he is the person at the front of the line ordering food, who doesn’t know what they want, has to ask a million questions about what’s available, and then call five different people on their cell phone to check with them while the line behind them grows to resemble the Great Wall of China.
S/he is the person who talks VERY LOUDLY on their cell phone, no matter where they are. And they’ll call you at indecent hours that are convenient for them—because they’re THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD.
They’re the people who’ll change their minds about something they promised to do and neglect to tell anyone.
They’re the people who’ll slow down traffic for half a mile back because they’re lost/looking for an address/talking on the phone.
S/he is the person who doesn’t have time to listen because they’re busy talking—usually about themselves.
S/he has problems that are worse than anyone else’s. Always.

You know them. You see them, work with them, live with them every day.
They’re THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD.

Personally, I’d support legislation that would require them to be restricted to THE ONLY ISLAND IN THE WORLD on THE ONLY PLANET IN THE GALAXY in THE ONLY GALAXY IN THE UNIVERSE.
And then blow it off the map with THE BEST BOMB EVAH.

Petitions to be circulated shortly…